Writing about Videogames

Jetzt weiss ich warum’s mir nicht gelingen will:

The secret to writing about videogames well — nay, the secret to living well with videogames in your life, at any rate — is to always have a good-looking woman by your side. No, it’s to have a very, very large rod, and a very good-looking woman to touch the tip of that rod, with four of her fingers, making a motion something like chalking a pool cue. It helps if the woman is maybe a foot shorter than you, maybe a foot and a half. So you play a videogame, and the woman touches your rod while you play the videogame, and this way, your mind is full of thoughts of a woman touching your rod while you’re playing a videogame, and then if you write something about that experience, leaving out the part about the woman, the fact that she’s twio feet shorter than you, and the conjecture that she was touching your rod like a pool cue, you will have a piece of writing about videogames, yet it will be colored by your having been having your rod touched like a pool cue, in itself an instrument of a game, by a good-looking woman either a foot or a foot and a half shorter than you while you were playing that game. This will make the writing flow, and reading that writing later, you will be able to fondly remember the look on that woman’s face when she smiled when she first beheld the girth of your rod.